Taming the teaser

Most school-age children – both boys and girls – encounter teasing or bullying. Whether a victim, an aggressor or a bystander, repeated exposure to this behavior could have a significant impact on a child's self-image and ability to get along with others. Parents and caregivers should be alert to signs it is occurring and provide children the support they need to deal with these difficult situations.

Teasing and bullying are designed to hurt someone and can take a number of forms. Verbal attacks often involve taunting, name-calling or threats. Physical acts may include hitting, kicking, spitting, pushing and taking or breaking personal belongings. Some assaults are psychological or emotional, such as spreading rumors, manipulating relationships and engaging in exclusion or intimidation.

Children do not learn how to solve problems alone. They need help learning to be aware of other people's feelings, asserting themselves without being aggressive and suggesting compromises. Here are ways you can help your child with these skills:

• Talk about teasing and bullying. Make it clear you do not approve of hurtful behaviors toward others. Discuss appropriate ways to deal with frustration and anger.
• Explain that nobody needs to put up with attacks from other people. Say that it is wrong for other children to hurt your child physically or with words. Tell you child it is OK to stick up for himself or herself. Encourage your child to talk to you about problems and ask for help.
• Discuss ways to prevent teasing and bullying. These might include avoiding places where problems occur, staying with friends or playing near adult supervision. Encourage your child to leave expensive toys, sports equipment or unneeded money at home.
• Teach options for responding when teased or bullied. Sometimes it works to say," Stop, I don't like the way you are treating me." Other times, ignoring the bully and walking away does the trick. Role-play by having your child practice responses to different situations.
• Expand your child's support network. Talk to teachers or other adults who can monitor the situations where the teasing and bullying occurs. Look for their help in dealing with persistent problems. Encourage your child to speak up on behalf of other children who are being bullied.
• Foster self-esteem. Every day, tell your child, "I love you." Listen carefully to your child's ideas. Have your child develop a list of things he or she likes about himself or herself.

Children having trouble with bullies often will not tell anyone because they fear adult intervention will make things worse. Signs of teasing or bullying include:

• Hiding injuries such as bruises.
• "Losing" money.
• Being unwilling to explain things such as torn clothing or damaged belongings.
• Acting anxious about leaving the house or asking to stay home from school.
• Arriving late at school or home when you know they had time to get there.
• Eating more or less than usual.
• Having nightmares or difficulty sleeping.
• Having moody outbursts.
• Acting sad, lonely or withdrawn.
• Feeling bad about themselves.